Make a Decision

As I was out hiking this morning, I had an epiphany. Well, not really, but sometimes a productive thought passes through this noggin of mine, so I thought I'd share it.

When I started hiking my mountain regularly, I made the conscious decision to not take the road more traveled. Granted, it's the same trail everyone else uses, but I don't take the smoother path - the path that has been ground down to dirt and pebbles from all the foot traffic. I choose to walk a couple feet over, where the larger rocks have been kicked 'out of the way', where the ascent/descent is a little steeper and takes a little more coordination to navigate through.

Now, my entire life I have been a frontrunner for the imaginary title of 'Miss Uncoordinated', so choosing this option was a surprise even to me. But I wanted results. I can hike a little slower and get my muscles more toned by the extra motion and lunges that I need to perform. It has now become second nature to take the rocky road less traveled during my hike.

This morning, I realized * light bulb moment * that this is an analogy for how I want to live my life.

That easier path...what happened when I took that route? What did it ever do for me? Well, for starters, it got me up to 265 pounds. It made me comfortable. I had my immediate family and I had my best friend. I never did anything without at least one of them. I was unhappy, but I was set in my ways and not willing/too afraid to try something new. It was smooth; it was (for the most part) drama-free.

Now, drama-free is fine and dandy and is something I definitely want to strive for in the future. But I'm not ready for the dust to settle on my rocky road just yet. I need to work towards something. During this difficult journey, I will trip and I will stumble. I will skin my knee and come across roadblocks. I need to prove that I can adapt to the elements. That I can overcome anything and everything life can throw my way.

I still have my immediate family and I still have my best friend. But now I want so much more. I WILL move back to California this year. I WON'T be afraid to go to the several parties I get invited to. I WILL get on the dance floor. I WILL ride that mechanical bull. I want to get out. I want to enjoy life. I want to meet new people. I want to go back to school.

Until then, I will continue to ask myself one thing. And I pose this same question to you:

It's decision time - which path are you going to take today?

My Dirty Little Weight Loss Secret

Wow, I hope you didn't really think there was a secret! There's not. No magic wand or miracle pill or special shake. You've got to put the phrase 'hard work' into your vocabulary. A weight loss journey is only as successful as your mindset.

After years of just hoping I would be skinny when I woke up in the morning, I've gotten my brain to realize that the best things in life are worth working hard for.

Friends and family have been asking what I've been doing, how I've been getting these results, so I figured I would give you the rundown of a regular day, nutrition and fitness wise:

NUTRITION - A typical day consists of:

• Breakfast (with water):
• fruit (a banana, an apple or 1 cup of cantaloupe)
• chocolate chunk granola bar.
• Lunch (with water):
• sandwich (2 slices of bread with either peanut butter and jam or ham, american cheese, pickles and mustard)
• light string cheese
• pudding cup
• Dinner (with 1 cup of 1% milk):
• chicken breast or steak
• broccoli, carrots and/or potato
• 3 country biscuits with strawberry jam
• Dessert:
• a Smart Ones snack or 1 serving of fruit with light yogurt

Throughout the day, I drink at least 8 glasses of water (usually 9 or 10), which isn't that difficult once you get used to it. I drink 5 glasses at work alone.

(dinner example: foil wrapped chicken breast, with broccoli and carrots - mmm)

EXERCISE - A typical weekday:

• After getting home from work, I throw on my workout gear and iPod and hit the sidewalk to get my cardio in. I jog/walk a 2 mile trek up and down my street, which has peaks and valleys because it surrounds a mountain.
• Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I also do strength training exercises that focus on entire body, upper body and core, respectively.

EXERCISE - A typical weekend day:

• I usually wake up around 7am, get my gear on and drive a couple miles to the base of the mountain where my trailhead begins. Nowadays, I'll hike 3-4 laps around my trail, where each lap is 1.2 miles. Usually out of there in about an hour, depending.

I am *thisclose* to having lost 30 pounds this year. But I'm not only seeing results on the scale. My clothes are fitting better or falling off, I feel more energetic, my skin is healthy and hydrated. But I have medical proof, too: my cholesterol.

(my cholesterol has gone from 245 to 141 in less than a year)

My BMI has gone from 31.6 to 28.3 in less than 3 months, and took me out of the Obese category about a month ago.

I realize this type of plan isn't something that many people can do, but it works for me because I have no family obligations (kids, husband, etc.) out here to have to plan my days around.

I think one of the biggest tools in my journey so far has been SparkPeople.com. It's easiest to describe as a health focused facebook. You have friends, blogs, statuses. But there are food trackers, exercises/fitness measurement tools, articles and quizzes. It's great to have the support of a community who knows what you're going through because they're exactly where you are, or have been there at some point in their lives. They just 'get it'.

So anyhoo, that's what I've been up to.

Finding ONEderland

I went straight from kids' clothes to the Misses section for my apparel. It's 1996 and I'm in the 8th grade, standing in line to get weighed during PhysEd physical time. Dreading getting on the scale up on the stage. 200 pounds. Ouch. Then the next girl got on the scale. A girl who was as tall as me, but wider. I was positive her weight would make me feel better. No such luck. She was 180. How is that possible? I felt defeated. So embarrassed. So ashamed. But I made no changes.

High school slowly dragged on. My weight was anywhere from 200-220 lbs throughout those four awkward years. I played softball one year, so my body changed, but my weight didn't. I was your classic 'smart girl'. The chunky, frumpy clothed, bespectacled, freckled nerd who didn't know how to manage her hair. I was also the funny girl, the tomboy. But boys only noticed me when they needed help in Honors classes.

College followed. Then work. I never took care of myself. I ate whatever was in front of me. Whatever food was in the house. Whatever fast food Dad sent me out to get. We didn't have a kitchen table, so all meals were devoured in front of the TV. Plus, the seconds and sometimes thirds.

And there I was in 2007. 265 pounds on my 5'10" frame. Unhappy. I didn't love myself. I sort of just existed. Watching the people around me living their lives and thinking, 'That could, no, that SHOULD be me!'

I started using the Alli system and was able to drop 30 lbs with the assistance. But all I did was take the pills. I didn't change one bit. I was eating the same. I wasn't exercising. I was relying on something other than myself.

I met a boy in 2008 who lived here in Arizona while I was living in California. In 2010, I moved to be closer to him. He kept stringing me along, but his 'affection' was all I knew. So I held onto the hope that I just had to prove I could be good for him. I kept fighting for him.

Until January 2, 2012, that is. I had had enough.

I said goodbye. I started the journey to loving myself. I am worth so much more than what he could offer me.

I deserve a healthy life. I deserve to only have healthy relationships in my life. I will not be held back any longer by poor decisions (or indecisions) I've made in the past. I am living in the right here, right now to build a better future.

Then, this morning it happened...



I haven't seen a 1 at the beginning of my weight in at least 16 years. What a crazy feeling!

My friends and family are leaving unbelievably supportive messages on my facebook page and via text messages and phone calls. I can't tell you how important it is that I came across SparkPeople. I wouldn't be having the success I am without the tools on this website and the support of my SparkFamily.

It's About Time!

I've been holding my tongue for the past few months and it's a relief that it's not a secret anymore. It's Facebook official, LoL. Lisa, my confidante and bestie for life, is engaged!! She has found the man she is meant to spend her life with and I couldn't be happier for her!

No more hiding the reasons for my trips back home (ie: the January trip for the Wedding Gown Adventure). And when people ask me about taking vacation time to visit them, I can tell them why it's not feasible at this time.

I can be giddy out loud about finding the perfect bridesmaid dress. I can squeal in excitement and not worry about who's in earshot. I can be ecstatic and chatty and turn every conversation into wedding talk if I want to.

I can tell people that I will be home again the week of June 17th for the festivities.

And I can tell Lisa that she is hands down one of the most important people in my life. We have so many memories with each other in them. We 'get' each other. She has been in my life for my biggest moments. I am so blessed that she has asked me to be a part of her very special day.

Nix and Keeves. Anna and Jewie. Ella and Bessie. Lisa and Shelby.

I love you, girl. Congratulations!

State of Confusion

A state of confusion. This is where I am currently living.

I desperately want to move back to California, but I find myself economically trapped in Arizona. Without a decent paying job, no substantial vacation time to cash out and credit card debt from my last move (and subsequent 9 months with no job), I don't have the luxury to move home until I have a job lined up.

My old job in California has remained unoccupied since my departure in 2010, but the governor has instituted a hiring freeze, so attempting to get it back is pointless. But who else is going to hire someone who lives out of state?

I have put myself in quite the predicament. Happy to have a job, yes. Unhappy to be away from my family and friends, definitely.

I received a phone call today about scheduling an interview for another position with DES. I called back to set up the interview for next Wednesday. I'm conflicted, though. There's a slight pay increase, so I'd be able to save just that much more money towards my move. But I'd feel (sorta) bad if I got the position and then was given the opportunity to move home.

I don't know. I'm just ready to be home. It kills me every time someone back home asks when I'll be back for good. Oh, how I wish I had an answer. I have missed so many things. Illnesses, celebrations, girl talks, Giants baseball and things I'm not at liberty to discuss.

Do I regret my move? Not at all. I will never have to ask myself, 'What if?' and that's good enough for me, because thinking about the possibilities would mess my head constantly. I still haven't found the OFF switch to that part of my brain.

And I'm not sure that I would have wanted things to work out differently here in Phoenix. I'm still young enough (haha) that I'll rebound from this adventure with nothing more than a few battle scars.

I've learned a lot about me, but it's time. Time for love. Time for laughter.

Time to go home.