I went straight from kids' clothes to the Misses section for my apparel. It's
1996 and I'm in the 8th grade, standing in line to get weighed during PhysEd
physical time. Dreading getting on the scale up on the stage. 200 pounds. Ouch.
Then the next girl got on the scale. A girl who was as tall as me, but wider. I
was positive her weight would make me feel better. No such luck. She was 180.
How is that possible? I felt defeated. So embarrassed. So ashamed. But I made no
changes.
High school slowly dragged on. My weight was anywhere from 200-220 lbs throughout those four awkward years. I played softball one year, so my body changed, but my weight didn't. I was your classic 'smart girl'. The chunky, frumpy clothed, bespectacled, freckled nerd who didn't know how to manage her hair. I was also the funny girl, the tomboy. But boys only noticed me when they needed help in Honors classes.
College followed. Then work. I never took care of myself. I ate whatever was in front of me. Whatever food was in the house. Whatever fast food Dad sent me out to get. We didn't have a kitchen table, so all meals were devoured in front of the TV. Plus, the seconds and sometimes thirds.
And there I was in 2007. 265 pounds on my 5'10" frame. Unhappy. I didn't love myself. I sort of just existed. Watching the people around me living their lives and thinking, 'That could, no, that SHOULD be me!'
I started using the Alli system and was able to drop 30 lbs with the assistance. But all I did was take the pills. I didn't change one bit. I was eating the same. I wasn't exercising. I was relying on something other than myself.
I met a boy in 2008 who lived here in Arizona while I was living in California. In 2010, I moved to be closer to him. He kept stringing me along, but his 'affection' was all I knew. So I held onto the hope that I just had to prove I could be good for him. I kept fighting for him.
Until January 2, 2012, that is. I had had enough.
I said goodbye. I started the journey to loving myself. I am worth so much more than what he could offer me.
I deserve a healthy life. I deserve to only have healthy relationships in my life. I will not be held back any longer by poor decisions (or indecisions) I've made in the past. I am living in the right here, right now to build a better future.
Then, this morning it happened...
I haven't seen a 1 at the beginning of my weight in at least 16 years. What a crazy feeling!
High school slowly dragged on. My weight was anywhere from 200-220 lbs throughout those four awkward years. I played softball one year, so my body changed, but my weight didn't. I was your classic 'smart girl'. The chunky, frumpy clothed, bespectacled, freckled nerd who didn't know how to manage her hair. I was also the funny girl, the tomboy. But boys only noticed me when they needed help in Honors classes.
College followed. Then work. I never took care of myself. I ate whatever was in front of me. Whatever food was in the house. Whatever fast food Dad sent me out to get. We didn't have a kitchen table, so all meals were devoured in front of the TV. Plus, the seconds and sometimes thirds.
And there I was in 2007. 265 pounds on my 5'10" frame. Unhappy. I didn't love myself. I sort of just existed. Watching the people around me living their lives and thinking, 'That could, no, that SHOULD be me!'
I started using the Alli system and was able to drop 30 lbs with the assistance. But all I did was take the pills. I didn't change one bit. I was eating the same. I wasn't exercising. I was relying on something other than myself.
I met a boy in 2008 who lived here in Arizona while I was living in California. In 2010, I moved to be closer to him. He kept stringing me along, but his 'affection' was all I knew. So I held onto the hope that I just had to prove I could be good for him. I kept fighting for him.
Until January 2, 2012, that is. I had had enough.
I said goodbye. I started the journey to loving myself. I am worth so much more than what he could offer me.
I deserve a healthy life. I deserve to only have healthy relationships in my life. I will not be held back any longer by poor decisions (or indecisions) I've made in the past. I am living in the right here, right now to build a better future.
Then, this morning it happened...
I haven't seen a 1 at the beginning of my weight in at least 16 years. What a crazy feeling!
My friends and family are leaving unbelievably supportive messages on my facebook page and via text messages and phone calls. I can't tell you how important it is that I came across SparkPeople. I wouldn't be having the success I am without the tools on this website and the support of my SparkFamily.
No comments:
Post a Comment